That never wrote to me,–
The simple news that Nature told,
With tender majesty.
Her message is committed
To hands I cannot see;
For love of her, sweet countrymen,
Judge tenderly of me”
— Emily Dickinson
if you read through this weird and crazy blog and website, I am still in the period of “peace before the storm”, as a powerful company will try one last time to crush me.
I wish I could say that I am healed and moved on, and my blog here isn’t as much with “tender majesty” as I would have hoped to write. But the pain and trauma I still go through seems too grave to recover from. I had often had two choices for my life, I either end my life or openly write down my story, or both.
But I have abandoned the thought of suicide, as this would not help anyone. Half my family is gone, I don’t need to put more grief on whoever is left. And my friends who helped and supported me as best as they could, I couldn’t do that to them. That wouldn’t be fair on them. And I decided no matter what they do to me, no matter how huge the pain and panic attacks and hopelessness, my life is in God’s hands and I want to learn to let him judge and have the final word. I’m not there yet, but my suicidal days are over.
And anyone who struggles or knows someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts and lives in or around London, check out this amazing charity that was started by 2 Samaritans: The Listening Place, their non-judgemental and patient approach takes the sting out of this taboo subject. And also Maytree. Add your own from your own city and don’t struggle or let others struggle alone.
Thank you for reading.
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