Broke

 

Old_New_InvertedColours

8yrs    |    35yrs

 

In memory of my big brother Thomas 25.02.1969 ~ 09.12.2014 whose death has not been investigated properly; whose day and time of death could only be estimated; whose 3 cats survived in his flat while he lay dead for approx. 6 days before he was found; whose corpse they just cremated without our consent; whose passing we didn’t know for 5 weeks; and whose death I was delayed to grieve in peace while working in a bullying workplace at Pret A Manger, surviving a hostile work environment under trauma.

 

I still dance like this…

 

 

Broke

( –feat.– “To know just how He suffered would be dear” –feat.– “something for myself”)

 

To know just how He suffered – would be dear

I want to hold you

 

 
To know if any Human eyes were near

what happened to you?

 



To whom He could entrust His wavering gaze

couldn’t find a way out of this endless maze?

 
Until it settle broad – on Paradise

my lights went out

 

 

 

To know if He was patient – part content

I’m a mess, you know

 
Was Dying as He thought – or different

can we rewind and find the switch?

 
Was it a pleasant Day to die

what day was it?

 
And did the Sunshine face his way

what hour of the day?

 

 

 

What was His furthest mind – Of Home or God

something you always sought

 
Or what the Distant say

I was here, not there

 
At news that He ceased Human Nature

at news

I ceased

 

 
Such a Day

such a day 

 

 

 

And Wishes – Had He Any

wish ! was there

 
Just His Sigh – Accented

breathless shocks unanswered

 
Had been legible – to Me

to blind too see

 
And was He Confident until

no one could

 
Ill fluttered out – in Everlasting Well

find the everlasting will

 
And if He spoke – What name was Best

that belongs to you

 
What last

belongs to you

 
What One broke off with

our hearts broke

 
At the Drowsiest

no knock on the door

 

 
Was He afraid – or tranquil

a fighter still

 
Might He know

one photo showed

 
How Conscious Consciousness – could grow

you knew more than I

 
Till Love that was – and Love too best to be

missed you

 
Meet – and the Junction be Eternity

why am I still this side of it?

hurt so many

 

 

 

 

(So, I dance like this

for me …

 

 

Cats

don’t pull me in

let me breathe

don’t like to be)

 

 

 

Text: »To Know Just How He Suffered—Would Be Dear« Emily Dickinson, 1863 + »Broke« Horxata/LNG, 2015

Music: “something for myself” Dark Dark Dark, 2011

 

Emily Dickinson handwriting To know just how

Emily Dickinson’s handwriting »To Know Just How He Suffered—Would Be Dear«, 1863

 

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